Me and Mickey Spillane

My grandfather was a drunk.  Most all of my memories of him involve Budweiser tall boys, Winstons, burping, farting, passing out, snoring, and going to the store to get steaks only to return 3 months later begging my grandmother’s forgiveness and asking for a key to the new locks. She was 15 years older than him and married and divorced him twice in her lifetime. Although my mom is the only child they had together, in between their nuptuals, he married, shacked up, and bore children with many other women.  We’re not really sure how many siblings mom has, she knew one, knows of another that she’s never been able to locate, and is certain there are more. 

From the ages of 6-10, my grandparents lived close by and because mom had a couple of jobs we stayed with them often.  Grandpa babysat us quite a bit while my grandmother went to play Bingo at night.  We just fetched beers for him and tried to make sure he didn’t fall asleep in his recliner with cigarette in hand.  He actually set my mom’s crib on fire years before in this exact manner, luckily she wasn’t in it at the time or I might not be writing this. He never had a job at that time that I can remember but aspired to be a country music singer.  During his sober times he talked about all of his friends in the industry like Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Porter Wagner, Con Hunley, the list goes on and on.  He had a little “recording room” set up in his house and I heard him sing many times.  He wasn’t that good and I didn’t believe anything he said about knowing all these famous singers.  If he knows them, why doesn’t he visit them or talk to them on the phone?  I knew for a fact he knew Con Hunley because he introduced him to my mom, but I was just thinking “who the hell is Con Hunley?”, other than that I thought that he was just a disgusting, delusional, alcoholic. 

One summer they decided to take us to Myrtle Beach.  We were excited, we loved Myrtle Beach, we went there every year with our Dad and had a great time.  This trip could not compare to the times we spent there with Dad.  First off, my grandmother let grandpa drive while he was drunk which was not unusual but this time we were traveling 5 hours instead of just across town.  I remember we bumped the car in front of us at the McDonalds drive through and the whole way my grandmother is yelling at grandpa and hitting him in the head (another common incident). It was a very tense few hours.  When we arrived, we learned that we would all be sleeping in the back of the pick-up truck a few miles from the ocean instead of in an air-conditioned beachside hotel like what we were used to.  After one disappointment after another, we finally got to go to the beach.  We were so excited, we practically lived in the pool at Dad’s and were excellent swimmers.  Well, swimming in the ocean is not as fun when you can’t go into the water above your calves.  That was the rule put upon us and we were very upset about it.  I understand, we were just kids and my grandma didn’t want any drowning children on her watch but it was still no fun.  At least there was the amusement park, one of our favorite things to do at the beach.  We always took one night and stayed until closing, but not this time.  We went in the middle of the day, it was scorching hot and we weren’t allowed to ride most of the rides we wanted because they were “dangerous”.  We were relieved when it was time to go home. 

My grandpa said, “before we go we need to stop and see an old friend of mine.  His name is Mickey Spillane and he lives here in Myrtle Beach.”  Now, I am a big reader but unfortunately at this time I was reading Laura Ingalls Wilder and was too young to read any the Mike Hammer series.  However, I was familiar with the name because it was during the time Mickey Spillane’s Mike Hammer had been made into a television show so I didn’t believe he could possibly know anyone who’s name was on the TV.  Plus he said he was friends with famous people all the time and we had never visited any. Grandpa had no contact information for him except an address so we showed up unannounced at the house of Mickey Spillane.  I honestly thought we would be kicked out but when Mickey saw Grandpa, he seemed glad to see him.  We had lunch there and they chatted about old times, he even posed for a picture with us that my Grandma later had put in the local paper.  He really knew him!!  This wasn’t just a story he was telling! We spent the afternoon with him. Did he really know Dolly and Porter?  This whole visit changed my opinion of him only slightly as a child.  As an adult, I wonder how many of those people he really knew and in what context.  What was his life like during those long months he was out buying steaks?  These were things I never asked him because I had so little respect for him and I blamed him for my mom’s mental issues and crazy lifestyle.  He died sober, employed,  and married to a woman that was the love of his life when I was 21 but I didn’t even attend the funeral.  I never had a desire to get to know the sober grandpa because he relapsed sometimes and I just didn’t trust him.  I have no regrets about not liking him or despising him really, only curiousity about his younger years.  I bet he had some fantastic stories!

My mom was a car thief.

I have decided that I really need to write more about my mom since her life has been so interesting and living with her for 17 years, so was mine.

One of my earliest memories are of going to work with her.  She had an office with a kitchen and a break room for my sister and I to hang out and watch tv in, play games, etc.  We also liked playing outside with the guard dog and in all the empty cars, my favorite of which was an ice-cream truck.  What fun we had running around, pretending to drive, even finding treasures inside.  Some of the best and scariest times were riding in the tow truck, always late at night with Mom driving and Pete on the passenger side, my sister and I squished in between.  We would hide out until the coast was clear and Mom would back up the tow truck, Pete would hook a car up to it and then we’d take off sometimes with angry people screaming and running after us.  I always felt really bad for the people whose cars we were taking.  At that time, if you would have asked me where my mom worked I would have said “she steals cars” and to me that is exactly what we were doing because “repossession” is not a term commonly found in the vocabulary of a 5-year old.  I don’t remember a lot of specific events besides the “car thievery”, those experiences kind of overshadow the rest.  My sister did bust her eye open there and still has a scar to this day and i got a bad electrical shock but that all fails to compare to those exciting nights in the tow truck.  Now that I think back on it, I feel really bad for that ice-cream man. He can’t work without a truck.

Here is a link to an old post about my adventures while visiting my step-father in jail.

https://getitoutbeforeitsgone.wordpress.com/2006/11/20/top-things-for-kids-to-do-while-visiting-their-stepfather-in-jail/

beginning again

It has been almost 5 months since the break-up so I’m about finished using it as an excuse for my behavior which is sometimes questionable if you know me but by no means bad.  The truth is, I’ve been single for many years.  I have spent the past 8 years doing almost everything alone.  Family events, parties, movies, concerts, vacations, you name it- not always totally alone, I could usually get a friend to go with me.  I even spent my time at home alone locked up in my room watching television.  I was a single person in a relationship. I’m not sure when this became an acceptable lifestyle for me or why it went on as long as it did, but I fell into some type of trap that I couldn’t even escape by moving 2000 miles.  It is so easy to stay in a situation because you’re unsure of how you will deal with the change. 

But moving on from that, I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and how I want my future to be.  I enjoy music, television, movies, reading, drinking, being with friends, going out, trying new things, shopping, traveling, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I will continue to indulge in anything that makes me happy until it no longer makes me happy and that is the way life should be.  I have not had a difficult time during this transition, I feel like I can finally be myself again and I feel like so many people are cheating themselves by remaining in bad situations.  Life is short so you should enjoy it!!  So from this point on, I will not speak of my past relationship or use it as an excuse for anything I do because I’ve moved on.

where to begin

Wow, it’s been a year, more than a year since I last wrote.  So much has happened to me. Perhaps the biggest things are being a size 7 again, losing my beloved Kitsy, and ending my 10-year relationship.  I am an entirely different person.  I have discovered that my 30s are pivotal in that I’m definitely searching for something.  When I turned 31, I moved across the country, at 34, got “divorced” and started acting like a college kid again.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m having the best time of my life, but a part of me wonders what I’m doing and when I’ll figure it out.  For right now I’m just going to sit back and let life happen because I think what I’m really looking for is me and I’ll turn up before too long.

3 MONTHS

I can’t believe it. It’s been 3 whole months since I’ve written. What have I been doing with my time? Work has been so busy and when I’m home, I’m watching shows that I recorded on the DVR (which is slowly taking over my life). So much has happened most notably the Reverend Jerry Falwell’s passing. Good Riddance!!! Finally we are rid of another hypocritical, racist, slimy bastard. The future will be so much better without him corrupting our airwaves. Excuse me for that little tirade, I think it’s out of my system, now back to what I’ve been doing. I’ve traveled a little. NYC for pleasure and Vegas for business (we were shooting a new season of High Stakes Poker). I’ve always loved New York and really wanted to move there instead of LA but after living here for 2 1/2 years and going there to visit, I am so happy that I chose here instead. That city as awesome as it is, is also dirty and smelly and there are too many people. We have a shit ton of people here also but the weather is fantastic and that makes up for it. I had a couple of friends visiting from TN this week so I took them to a lot of places around LA. We went to the most amazing beach in Malibu called El Matador State Beach. It reminded me of the coast of Oregon with it’s rock formations, cliffs, and seclusion. It is my new favorite place here and I shall spend many weekends there from now on and the best part is it’s only about a 30 minute drive from my house as long as I leave around 10 am. Having my friends visit has rejuvenated my excitement about living here. We also went to the biggest Star Wars convention of all time. What a freakshow!!! I am not a fan but my friend was in heaven. She could have stayed all day mingling with the Storm Troopers and droids not to mention all the people dressed up in full-on Star Wars gear, some costumes homemade and some store bought. For someone who fell asleep during Return of the Jedi, I thought it was still entertaining. Well, I guess that’s all for now. I’ll try and write again tomorrow.

sister, oscars, etc.

Has it really been that long?  I didn’t realize how long it has been since I’ve written.  So much has been going on and time is just zipping on by.  My job has been keeping me super busy and has been rather stressful but I am learning a lot and hopefully will get a promotion soon.  What else, what else?  I had a fantastic visit with my sister.  She and her family came to CA and we had such a great time.  She is one of the things I miss the most about TN.  She is absoulutely one of the funniest humans on the earth.  You can’t help but love her.  She has a gigantic heart too. 

 On another note, I watched the academy awards and I have to say that Ellen was just wonderful.  She is hilarious and I think everyone liked her.  I hope she gets to host again.  I would like to share one of the funniest moments of the oscars for me personally.  I was watching at a friend’s house and her cable box was all messed up.  She calls the cable company and stays on hold for 30 minutes.  Yes, 30 minutes she is on hold waiting for technical support.  When she finally talks to someone, he tells her to unplug the box and plug it back in.  Her response to him after waiting on hold for 30 minutes was “Celine Dion is singing on the Oscars, it’s impossible for me to unplug it right now.  I’ll try it after that and call you back if it doesn’t work.”  I was sitting next to her going- this is the perfect time to unplug the box.  So, of course it didn’t work and I guess she had to wait on hold for another half hour but I guess Celine Dion is worth it to her.

Now I will tell you one of my personal favorite moments from last years Oscars.  I worked briefly at a restaurant and had to work during the Awards.  A ditsy blonde bartender was also working and when they were giving the award for best actor and Phillip Seymour Hoffman won over Joaquin Phoenix she said “Oh my god, I don’t like him, Joaquin totally should have won”  I said, “have you seen Capote?” and she said “no, but I think it’s so much more difficult to play the role of a person that really existed.”  That still gives me a laugh every time I think about it.  That’s LA for ya, if you’ve got boobs do you really need brains too?

Will I ever be a grown-up?

Yesterday, I turned 33 years old but somehow I feel so much younger than my peers.  I don’t have kids or own a house.  I still have mismatched sheets and a futon like a college kid.  My car has been paid off for a few years and has a dent in one side and I rarely cook.  On top of that, I have roommates which is not uncommon in an expensive city like LA but, will I ever feel grown-up? 

Don’t get me wrong, these are not bad things.  I don’t want children and I’m a happy renter.  It seems like less responsibility and besides, who knows where I might end up in the future.

When I was 21 I thought about where I would be at this age and it is so far from reality.  I was sure that I would be making a lot more money and have traveled all over the world by now.  I have traveled all over this country and have had some wonderful experiences but still am nowhere near where I imagined that I would be.  I don’t think this is bad.  I am a responsible adult.  My credit is and has always been excellent although I do have credit card debt.  I have never been late paying any of my credit card bills or rent, ever!  That’s pretty grown up. This year for the first time I helped cook a holiday meal.  Also a grown up activity.  I have always made it a point to go somewhere where the food is already cooked and just help clean up afterwards.  

So, the point is, I am grown-up but I don’t feel like I am and everyone says “your only as young as you feel”  so yippee, I’m 23 (except when I try to shop in the Juniors section).

sometimes I’m 4 years old

I just took a trip to the South for the Thanksgiving holiday and also for my Dad’s wedding.  Before I left, I experienced some major anxiety that I attributed to everything except my dad’s wedding.  I didn’t realize how this would affect me emotionally until the date grew closer.  You see, my parents have been divorced for 27 years and my dad has always said that he would never remarry.  He has been in a few serious relationships throughout the years some of them even live-together situations but these though sometimes long term were always temporary.  For me this meant  the only permanent women in his life besides his mother were my sister and I and then later on my niece.  So not having to really share him was really nice on some unconscious level.  Not that I wanted him to be lonely forever but a part of me was afraid of how things will change.  I am over 30 but sometimes when I’m with him I feel like a kid again.  Like I’m 4 years old. 

When I was growing up, things at home with my mother were often times very difficult.  At a very young age, I had multiple adult responsibilities.  Cleaning house, doing laundry, making lunch for my sister and I to take to school, getting my sister and I up and ready for school, getting Mom up to get ready for work and then drive us to school, screening calls from bill collectors etc., etc. 

Without my Dad, there’s no telling what kind of people we would have turned into.  He was the model divorced father.  He always paid his child support on time and sometimes a month in advance if mom could talk him into it.  He never blew us off for his weekend visits.  He showed up on time every time.  He always had something fun planned for us to do.  We ate  good homecooked dinners while we there instead of cereal or happy meals.  He was stable.  He had a good job and lived in the same house and still does whereas with my mom, we moved at least once a year.  The best part about visiting him was that I could be a kid.  I didn’t have to worry about doing laundry or waking anyone up.  And any household chores that I did I was paid well for.  There was no pressure about life, it was just to relax, have fun, and let the adults worry about it.  How childhood should be! We probably should have lived with him but our mom didn’t want us to and she often guilted us into not telling him some of the things going on at our house.  She was in some volatile relationships so there were things happening that he didn’t know about and sometimes it was scary at home but when we went to his house it was safe and secure.  Maybe this is why I regress back to my childhood when I’m around him and perhaps I was afraid of losing that feeling of security with Dad’s marriage. 

I was totally appalled by my feelings and behavior.  I couldn’t believe that I was so upset when I should have been happy for him.  If he should marry anyone, it should be her.  After a lot of pouting, sulking, and crying, I expressed my feelings to him, I said “I feel like I’m losing you”.  He said “I’m not interested in being anyone else’s father but yours and your sister’s so you are not losing me, nothing is changing”.  His new wife has three daughters but they have their own father.  And speaking of his wife, she’s perfect for him, her daughters are a little spoiled and uppity but they are young still and I hope they can grow out of it.  I really like my new stepmother and it’s really not like this is a new thing.  They have been together for 4 years and living together for 2 so really not a lot will change.  So the issue was totally with me.  And I’m over it now, I met with all of her family and besides my new step-sisters, I loved them, they were great!  The wedding was a blast and I have made peace with the fact that he is married and like I said, it’s not like she’s a horrible person.  I think I’m gonna be OK but I can’t promise that I won’t act like a 4-year-old again.

Top things for kids to do while visiting their stepfather in jail

So, I had a very dysfunctional childhood and as outrageous as it sounds, it is also humorous.  I didn’t realize that my stories were so entertaining until recently when a friend of mine here in LA said, you are wasting these stories, you need to get them out.  She suggested I do a one woman show where I just tell the audience my family stories in my “cute little southern accent”.  Well, I don’t know about the performance part but I do know that talking about my mom is quite a crowd pleaser so I will start with just one of the events of my childhood and then maybe continue to post more later.  I swear that everything I’m about to write is true and if you enjoy it, there is a lot more where this came from.  Also, try to see this story as funny even though if you have children, you may not think it’s appropriate.

When I was about 9 or 10, my mom was married to a convict.  He was actually what you call a trustee in the law enforcement center.  This means that he slept in a type of dorm room instead of a cell.  He was the cook of the jail and was allowed to leave to buy groceries, pick up deliveries, etc.  He was in for several years for allegedly shooting at a cop during a drug bust although he claims to have shot into the air and not at a police officer.  He was a very nice man, who always bought us presents and we had a glorioius time visiting him at the law enforcement center.  My father forbid my mom to take my younger sister and I there but we liked it so she took us anyway.  There was so much to do there!  We could play with the bloodhounds, there were two of them (I can’t remember their names)  and it was fun to see them sniff a cloth and then we would run with them as they went to  find their targets.  There was also another dog Dixie, the drug sniffing dog, I always felt sorry for her because she stayed mostly in a cage with a marijuana plant just outside of her reach and a fan constanly blowing the aroma of the plant into her cage.  Perhaps one of our favorite things to do was work out in the inmates gym.  Now these inmates did not have to wear orange jumpsuits, they wore regular clothes and some of them were even allowed to go to work in the day and come back to the jail at night.  So these weren’t really hardened criminals, most of them were in there on drug charges. 

These inmates were also in charge of cleaning the confiscated vehicles.  If you were lucky enough to be there while they were doing this, you might leave with some fuzzy dice or cassette tapes.  We came back with bags of goodies  formerly belonging to drug dealers.  But perhaps the best part of these Sunday visits was the fantastic meal we got.  He was an awesome cook and he always made a great dinner for us, especially since Mom didn’t cook a lot.

Out of all the men that Mom has been married to, I think I liked him the best.  I didn’t actually know they were married until years after the marriage was annulled.  At the time, I thought they were just “dating” but it turned out they were just friends and she had married him so that he could get out on the weekends to visit his family.  So every weekend he got to leave but he had to be back on Sunday afternoon and that is when we would visit.  To my sister and I, those were good times.  It was a fun, family thing to do every week.

Why Brooke Why?

As I was surfing through the channels this evening after work, I saw footage of some of the celebrities arriving in Rome to attend the “TomKat” wedding. Brooke Shields and her husband are among the attendess. I cannot be the only Tom Cruise hater to wonder why she would possibly even consider going to the wedding of a man that publicly criticized her for taking antidepressants. I know that he apologized but still, Broooke, have a little dignity. You can’t possibly want to be friends with him. Unless maybe, his publicist paid for your trip and gave you a little spending money to pretend like you’re thrilled to be there. It will make the wedding a little more newsworthy after all. I’ve always been such a fan of yours but now I’m having a hard time respecting you. Give me a break!!

Click here to read more Tom Cruise bashing, my dear friend has a blog in which he has his own category.